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SPN Poem: 'Suicide Note' [PG-13] Dean

Title: Suicide Note
Character: Dean
Rating: PG-13, gen
Length: 234 words
Warnings/Spoilers: Language, angst, impications of self-harm, spoilers for 5x18
Author's Notes: Written for the spnland 'Roses are red' poetry writing challenge. With an awesome banner by familiardevil!
Summary: Dean's letter for Sam
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Kripke.

once upon a time I thought I’d end bloody
claws, teeth, fire, blunt force trauma
figured I’d take the sonuvabitch with me
figured I’d save a few people on the way
I was cool with that

what a fucking joke, there is no end

there’s just hell, eternal torment
pain ripping me to pieces and searing the wounds
until I forgot why, until I picked up the knife
until I became a worse monster than anything I’d hunted
and I liked it

here’s the funny part, that wasn’t the end

angels pulled me out
propped me up, made me remember
showed me the past, present and future
showed me just how screwed we are
and all I am's a weapon

took one in the chest, couldn't lay down to rest

there’s just heaven, instant-replay hallmark moments
until Zachariah showed up to screw with us
couldn’t keep me from remembering for even five minutes
couldn’t show me a single time when you gave a damn
think I preferred hell

and I’m just, I’m so fucking tired of it all

you’re gonna say ‘yes’, only question’s when
so I might as well go first, end it like I started it
maybe I can save a few people, maybe Michael can end me
maybe that’s the closest thing to luck I’ll get in this life
so I’m going all-in

win or lose, at least it'll be over

Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
arliss
May. 29th, 2010 07:00 am (UTC)
That's...um. That's tough, and hard, and painful, and pretty damn spot on. Tough to read.
keerawa
May. 29th, 2010 06:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you, arliss. It was tough to write, too. It's a very dark headspace Dean's in here.
tifaching
May. 29th, 2010 10:48 am (UTC)
Oh, that hurts. And it's so, so Dean. Fantastic.
keerawa
May. 29th, 2010 06:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks, tifaching. I'm glad you felt for him.
vikingprincess
May. 29th, 2010 05:12 pm (UTC)
painfully accurate; really well-done
keerawa
May. 29th, 2010 06:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you, vikingprincess!
tigriswolf
May. 29th, 2010 10:15 pm (UTC)
Wow, that's gorgeous, sharp, and bitter.
keerawa
May. 30th, 2010 12:47 am (UTC)
Thank you, tigriswolf. 'Sharp and bitter' is a fair description of Dean's feelings here.
tcs1121
May. 30th, 2010 02:09 am (UTC)
Wow. Nicely done! just...wow
keerawa
May. 30th, 2010 05:17 am (UTC)
Thank you for reading, tcs1121.
labseraph
May. 31st, 2010 09:09 am (UTC)
Um.

Perhaps reading at work was a mistake; muffling my sobs when I work in a cube farm is kinda hard.

Not to mention trying to figure out how to answer why your heart is on the table; neatly and surgically removed by a few well chosen words by the darling Keerawa.
keerawa
May. 31st, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm a little bit sorry, but actually very pleased that it hit you that hard. Maybe I need to change my warnign from angst to ANGST. I hope you've made a full recovery by now!

Thanks so much labseraph!
counteragent
Jun. 5th, 2010 03:32 am (UTC)
Aw, man. Dean.
keerawa
Jun. 5th, 2010 04:07 am (UTC)
Yeah. This one's rough. Thanks for reading, counteragent.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )