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'Years Gone By' [R] Ellen/Dean

Title: Years Gone By
Pairing: Ellen/Dean, implied Ellen/Bill/John
Rating: R
Author's Notes: A birthday present for my dear elementalv for her prompt of "forgiveness". Unbeta'd.
Length: 285 words
Spoilers: For early season 2.
Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to the CW.
Summary: It's too late to make things right. Ellen does what she can with the cards she's been dealt.

Anyone with eyes could see that both boys were grieving. When I mention John’s name, I find out why. Dean, though, he’s carrying an extra weight of guilt on his shoulders. He tries to hide it with a cocky grin, but it looks the same on him as it had on his daddy when he showed up with Bill’s truck and a mouth full of I’m sorry’s.

Back then I told John to get out and stay the Hell away from me and Jo. Regretted it, later. John Winchester eventually made it back to the Roadhouse. I talked to the hunter plenty of times over the years. But the gentle, passionate man Bill and I had got to know, the one who felt things so deep he couldn’t speak the words – I never saw that man again.

And maybe it’s a little twisted but this; this is how I can finally make it up to him.

Waiting outside Jo’s door to catch Dean when he tries to sneak in. Beckoning him down the hall to my own bedroom. Placing a finger on the boy’s lips when he starts to speak. Undressing him, quick and efficient, and laying him down in my bed, the one that was once big enough for me and two full-grown men. Holding his hips down when he arches up into my mouth, using enough strength so he knows I won’t let him hurt me. Letting him burn away some of what he’s feeling; thrusting and grasping, pulling and biting. Ignoring the tears, since they’re not meant for me.

Afterwards, I hold John’s boy tight and whisper what I should have told him all those years ago.

“It wasn't your fault.”

Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
dragonlit
Nov. 23rd, 2010 06:05 am (UTC)
I love this! I love Ellen and this premise that she is apologizing to John, dealing with her own guilt and grief as well as Dean's.
keerawa
Nov. 23rd, 2010 06:14 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm really pleased that came across. Ellen lost both Bill and John a long time ago - but knowing that John's gone, that it's too late to even try, still hurt.
framedhim
Nov. 23rd, 2010 06:41 am (UTC)
This pairing is a guilty pleasure of mine, not found too often and when done right, like here, I can't help but smile. Even if the subject matter is so damn sad. Fantastic job of using first person, captured Ellen's "been there, seen too many things for one lifetime" voice.
keerawa
Nov. 23rd, 2010 05:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I don't think I've read any Dean/Ellen before, so as a writer, this one came out of left-field for me. I'm glad the sadness of it came across, and that Ellen sounded in-character.
elementalv
Nov. 23rd, 2010 09:27 am (UTC)
This? This is fantastic, because yeah. I can see Ellen doing what she thinks needs doing and not worrying a damn bit about it.

THANK YOU!!!
keerawa
Nov. 23rd, 2010 05:14 pm (UTC)
She totally would. Thanks for the prompt, birthday girl!
nrrrdy_grrrl
Nov. 23rd, 2010 10:44 am (UTC)
WOW.
keerawa
Nov. 23rd, 2010 05:14 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
tifaching
Nov. 23rd, 2010 11:52 am (UTC)
This hurt, but in a good way. I always liked the thought of Ellen and John and her helping Dean deal with things, at least a little, was very much something I can see her doing.

Wonderful story!
keerawa
Nov. 23rd, 2010 05:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you, tifaching! I might have to go find some Ellen fics to read, because she's definitely growing on me.
embroiderama
Nov. 23rd, 2010 01:52 pm (UTC)
I love this a lot--the whole feel of it is great.

But the gentle, passionate man Bill and I had got to know, the one who felt things so deep he couldn’t speak the words – I never saw that man again.

Oh, John.
keerawa
Nov. 23rd, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
I know! The thought of young John, grieving his wife, finding a refuge with Bill and Ellen, and then losing it that way ... ouch.

Thank you, embroiderama.
(Deleted comment)
keerawa
Nov. 23rd, 2010 05:30 pm (UTC)
*laughs* This feedback amuses me greatly. Think how shocked I was to find myself writing such an unlikely pairing! Thanks for giving it a chance!
orehime
Nov. 24th, 2010 11:03 am (UTC)
Yay Ellen! I like.
keerawa
Nov. 24th, 2010 04:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you orehime!
smilla02
Nov. 24th, 2010 12:36 pm (UTC)
This is simply beautiful!
keerawa
Nov. 24th, 2010 04:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Ellen's an amazing character.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )