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The joys of city living

I'm waiting in front of a Starbucks for the light to turn so I can cross a busy city street, in the middle of rush hour. I have my phone out, reading fanfic.

Someone in a black wind-breaker with their hood up barrels into me, snatches my phone, and starts to run away with it.

I tackle the person to the ground before they get more than a couple steps away and pull the hood off. It's a young woman who starts screaming, "Get off me!" I yell at her to give back my phone. She kicks at me, screaming that she doesn't have my phone, as her friend is yelling at me to let go. I tell her I'm not letting go until I get my phone back. She gets a solid kick in and scrambles to her feet.

I stand up and grab her by the windbreaker. She eels out of it. (Maybe she was a hockey player in a former life?) I grab onto her shirt. She backs up, frantically screaming at me to let go, and pulls out of her shirt. I grab the chick, now wearing only a skimpy white bra, by the arm.

An older woman comes running out of the Starbucks, yelling, "Let go of her! I've called the cops." The chick punches me in the face.

Which - ow. I'm not willing to let her punch me again, which leaves me with two options. Take her down hard enough so that she can't hit me again, or let her go. In a crystalline, adrenaline-soaked moment, taste of my own blood in my mouth, I decide the phone isn't worth the amount of damage I'd have to do to her, and let go.

She runs away down the busy city sidewalk, hands crossed over her tits, with her friend running after her, arms full of the thief's shirt and wind-breaker.

"What the hell was that about?" the older woman asks.

"She stole my phone," I explain, pulling a tissue out of my pocket for my bloody nose.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know," she says, and goes back into Starbucks.

I check the ground for my phone, but no joy. I figure the girl's friend must have it. The cops show up. I give my statement, get a case number, an offer to call the paramedics, and a lecture about not having my phone out and my property not being worth my life.

Then I wander home, a bit shaky but deciding, really, there's nothing personal about it. If you live in a forest, you risk forest fires. If you live in a city, you risk muggings. I wasn't badly hurt, and the phone's insured, so it's all fine.

I get home, and the moment I walk in the door, my partner says, "Your phone's safe. Sara called - some Good Samaritan found it on the street and called the first person in your contacts list to come get it."

Apparently when I tackled the girl, the phone was thrown/kicked/flew somewhere far enough away that I didn't see it when I looked. And let me now personally endorse Otterbox Impact cases, because my phone doesn't have a dent or scratch after all this excitement.

So I didn't even lose my phone. Just got a bloody nose and an amusing anecdote out of the encounter.

And here's the funny part. All that time that I was yelling at the topless chick to give my phone back, and she was screaming, "Let go you crazy bitch, I don't have your fucking phone!"

She really didn't have it.


( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 18th, 2013 05:49 am (UTC)
You know, Phenox Jones dosn't have an origin story that awesome. ::high five:: I wish I could have been there to see that take down!
Jan. 18th, 2013 07:37 am (UTC)
Thanks! It wasn't fun at the time, but looking back I am vastly amused.
Jan. 18th, 2013 05:58 am (UTC)
I'm glad you're okay. ::wincing:: And, um. Yeah. I once chased a mugger across a parking lot. I kinda know the feeling.

I'm very glad you're okay and have your phone back.
Jan. 18th, 2013 08:34 am (UTC)
Thanks, rhi. I suppose there's something to be said for us crazy bitches who make violent theft not seem quite so easy and fun for the perpetrators.
Jan. 18th, 2013 06:00 am (UTC)
And the moral of the story is, when a woman with no shirt on says she doesn't have your phone, she is exceptionally credible...?

I'm glad you got your phone back and that you turned out not to get hurt... very much.
Jan. 18th, 2013 08:35 am (UTC)
Hah, that is an excellent point! Thanks! Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little sore to remind me that I'm a bit old to be tussling with topless 18 year-old girls in public.
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 18th, 2013 08:35 am (UTC)
Thanks! Yeah, I'm fine. More bemused than anything.
Jan. 18th, 2013 07:26 am (UTC)
At first I was like D:
And then I was like \o/

I am so relieved you're alive and well and bravo for a firm grasp and knowing when to quit. ::hugs::
Jan. 18th, 2013 08:36 am (UTC)
Heh, that pretty much describes my emotional arc, too. Being true to myself in those circumstances is something I'm quite proud of, actually.
Jan. 18th, 2013 07:30 am (UTC)
Wow. I'm glad that you have your phone and I've very sorry that you got punched. I definitely worry about fighting back in these situations as you could have got more seriously hurt...... buuuut.... I have to say that I'm really glad that the bitch got her ass seriously whupped by you and had to run away with the embarrassment of being half naked and didn't even get your phone out of it.

Jan. 18th, 2013 08:41 am (UTC)
Thanks, cat! I honestly think she had a worse night than I did. Which, again, amuses me greatly.
Jan. 18th, 2013 01:32 pm (UTC)
Reading this, I'm torn between the reactions of, "this is hilarious," "man, Keera is such an awesome storyteller," and "OMG! are you okay??"
Jan. 18th, 2013 03:51 pm (UTC)
Why thank you, killa! Fanfic writing skills really DO transfer to real-life situations; like being able to tell people about a situation like this without freaking them out.

And I am completely fine.
Jan. 18th, 2013 03:28 pm (UTC)
*sporfle* sucks to be that chick. Free phones aren't always free and don't always stay more than a second. What an idiot. Good on you for fighting back - I probably would have too 0.0 and YAY for phone coming home!
Jan. 18th, 2013 03:53 pm (UTC)
Heh, yeah. I almost feel sorry for her. Almost, but not quite.
Jan. 18th, 2013 05:22 pm (UTC)
Wow, you're amazing!

And I'm super-glad you're safe and doing well *and* have your phone. ♥
Jan. 19th, 2013 06:11 am (UTC)
Thanks, ainsley! I really would miss my phone.
Jan. 19th, 2013 01:45 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you got out of that relatively easy. I know it seems funny now, but damn. Glad you got your phone back and the thought of your mugger having to run away in her bra is really, really making me smile.
Jan. 19th, 2013 07:17 am (UTC)
It does, doesn't it? Thanks, Ti!
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )