keerawa (keerawa) wrote,

S&A snippet: "Anna's Drunken Monologue"

Fandom/Character: Slings & Arrows; Anna
Rating: PG
Length: 300 words
Summary: Anna wouldn't normally complain, but ...
Challenge: Written for ds_snippets Challenge #53, prompt: relocation
Notes: Thanks to llassah for a fast and fabulous beta. This is my first attempt at Slings & Arrows fic.

Actors are assholes.

You might think, 'Not this one, he's a good tipper,' or 'She always seems nice in TV interviews.' But let me tell you, every single one of them is an asshole.

There, that couple? Actors. See the slow, sexy little smile as she leans back into his arms? The way he brushes her hair aside while leaning forward to whisper in her ear? They're performing for an audience. For us.

Normal, decent people, like you and me, we try to keep our feelings buttoned up inside where they belong. But actors, they're like children, showing every impulse, every anxiety, every desire. And the good ones? They amplify everything; make it larger than life for the cheap seats. They magnify a setback into a disaster, a decent review into a triumph, a moment's attraction into some grand love affair. Fucking assholes.

And here's the thing. It's not just on stage. They can't turn it off. So where a normal human being might, say, key somebody's car, an actor will start a duel with swords. And where a normal person might feel a bit down, head home, eat a tub of ice cream and pet her cat, an actor will become suicidally depressed, drink enough to drown a heifer, and step in front of a truck.

How is a normal person supposed to, to deal with all that? When traffic's bad, and I had to skip lunch, and the photocopier's busted again … how am I meant to cope with actors?

I could quit. God knows I've thought about it. I've had offers, too. I could nearly double my salary if I went to work for a certain publishing executive in Toronto. It's just, after a while, everyone else starts to seem a bit dull by comparison.

Tags: fic, other fandoms, snippet
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