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S&A snippet: "Anna's Drunken Monologue"

Fandom/Character: Slings & Arrows; Anna
Rating: PG
Length: 300 words
Summary: Anna wouldn't normally complain, but ...
Challenge: Written for ds_snippets Challenge #53, prompt: relocation
Notes: Thanks to llassah for a fast and fabulous beta. This is my first attempt at Slings & Arrows fic.

Actors are assholes.

You might think, 'Not this one, he's a good tipper,' or 'She always seems nice in TV interviews.' But let me tell you, every single one of them is an asshole.

There, that couple? Actors. See the slow, sexy little smile as she leans back into his arms? The way he brushes her hair aside while leaning forward to whisper in her ear? They're performing for an audience. For us.

Normal, decent people, like you and me, we try to keep our feelings buttoned up inside where they belong. But actors, they're like children, showing every impulse, every anxiety, every desire. And the good ones? They amplify everything; make it larger than life for the cheap seats. They magnify a setback into a disaster, a decent review into a triumph, a moment's attraction into some grand love affair. Fucking assholes.

And here's the thing. It's not just on stage. They can't turn it off. So where a normal human being might, say, key somebody's car, an actor will start a duel with swords. And where a normal person might feel a bit down, head home, eat a tub of ice cream and pet her cat, an actor will become suicidally depressed, drink enough to drown a heifer, and step in front of a truck.

How is a normal person supposed to, to deal with all that? When traffic's bad, and I had to skip lunch, and the photocopier's busted again … how am I meant to cope with actors?

I could quit. God knows I've thought about it. I've had offers, too. I could nearly double my salary if I went to work for a certain publishing executive in Toronto. It's just, after a while, everyone else starts to seem a bit dull by comparison.



( 37 comments — Leave a comment )
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Feb. 9th, 2008 03:31 am (UTC)
I didn't realize you were a S&A fan too! Wheee!

Perfect ficlet!
Feb. 9th, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
I'm a brandy-new fan. Saw my first episode a month ago, and just started season 3 tonight. I'm glad you liked it, Ith!
(no subject) - ithildyn - Feb. 9th, 2008 03:47 am (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 9th, 2008 03:37 am (UTC)
I don't think a title has ever made me happier in the history of time.

Hooray Anna! (She's right, too)
Feb. 9th, 2008 04:30 am (UTC)
Originally, I thought Anna would get a drunken soliloquy, but then I researched and found out that's only for unspoken thoughts. I haven't spent much time around professional actors, but even the amateurs do tend to, shall we say, accentuate the dramatic.

Thanks, sisterofdream!
Feb. 9th, 2008 04:01 am (UTC)
Oh, Keera, this was fabulous! You give such good Anna.

*hearts it* ♥
Feb. 9th, 2008 04:32 am (UTC)
Woohoo! Glad you liked it, simplystars!
Feb. 9th, 2008 04:16 am (UTC)
Just bought the S&A box set last night, haven't ever seen an episode, yet you make me impatient to start now. Very well written, and such an articulate, human reaction, that I don't even need to know the details to appreciate what a great job you've done here. Excellent character study.
Feb. 9th, 2008 04:37 am (UTC)
*grins* Well, Anna's an interesting POV to start from as you head into it. S&A is truly excellent. The dialog, the plots, the deft way that the actor's real lives and The Play are woven together.

I'm relieved to see you with a different icon, btw. Everytime I see the cartoon one, I think you're zabira. And then I get very confused.

Thank you, 24joy!
Feb. 9th, 2008 04:43 am (UTC)
::grinning:: Poor Anna. And that's great, Keera, thank you!
Feb. 9th, 2008 07:36 am (UTC)
They're rather overwhelming, and Anna's required to keep it together while everyone around her loses it, on a regular basis.

Thanks for the comment, Rhi!
Feb. 9th, 2008 05:46 am (UTC)
Don't know fandom. Still actually enjoyed ficlet very much, based on, cough, some other stuff.
Feb. 9th, 2008 07:39 am (UTC)
*laughs* Real life is a fandom! I do think you'd enjoy the show - 3 seasons, 6 episodes each, dialog that sparkles. Thanks for the comment, sparklebutch!
(no subject) - sparklebutch - Feb. 9th, 2008 07:47 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sparklebutch - Feb. 9th, 2008 07:59 am (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 9th, 2008 07:51 am (UTC)

Feb. 9th, 2008 09:04 am (UTC)
Feb. 9th, 2008 08:22 am (UTC)
*flails drunkenly at this* Oh, Anna.

I love the idea of Anna keying someone's car, y'know, like a normal human being.
Feb. 9th, 2008 09:09 am (UTC)
*grins* Can't you just picture her doing that, rather than confronting the person she was pissed off at?
(no subject) - dugrival - Feb. 9th, 2008 09:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 9th, 2008 12:44 pm (UTC)
I really love the "drink enough to drown a heifer" description. Hee! So Anna. *using my setback magnified into a disaster icon*
Feb. 9th, 2008 06:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks, akite, I wasn't sure if that matephor was too much, so I'm glad you mentioned it. Yes, your icon is a prime example!
Feb. 9th, 2008 02:36 pm (UTC)
Nice Anna voice. I'd like to hear her opinion of directors as well.
Feb. 9th, 2008 06:38 pm (UTC)
Oh, they're all actors.
Thank you for the comment, unovis!
Feb. 9th, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)
When traffic's bad, and I had to skip lunch, and the photocopier's busted again … how am I meant to cope with actors?


Lovely little ficlet. Anna might just be my favorite character from this show, and this kind of thing is why.
Feb. 9th, 2008 06:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks icepixie, I'm glad you enjoyed. Anna really is a delight, isn't she?
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 9th, 2008 06:42 pm (UTC)
*snickers* With pyrotechnics! Thank you for comment, jesse!
Feb. 9th, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC)
wow, this was your FIRST S&A fic, Peaches? Unbelievable! You really nailed the show's attitude toward acting: that it's silly and overblown and a little ridiculous, but it's also tremendously meaningful. I loved the conclusion, and Maria's bitter acknowledgment that she's ruined for anything else. That's such a fabulous observation, and it's true of the character as well as the (occasionally harsh) show: they just can't help loving those theatre types :-)

Thanks for such a great read. I'm glad your mojo is back!
Feb. 11th, 2008 02:48 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Nos! This piece is actually from Anna's POV, not Maria's, although you're the second person to tell me it sounds like Maria. I have a lot of love for the theatre, so I'm glad that came through.
Feb. 11th, 2008 01:14 am (UTC)
They magnify a setback into a disaster, a decent review into a triumph, a moment's attraction into some grand love affair.

Loved this, keerawa. And of course, this is why we love actors so much. Because they add drama and flair into our otherwise normal lives.

*pets Anna*
Feb. 11th, 2008 02:50 pm (UTC)
The theatre and fanfiction both do! Thank you, akamine_chan!
Feb. 11th, 2008 05:44 pm (UTC)
Welcome to the madhouse that is S & A! I'm fairly new to it myself, and just adore it!

I love your Anna! She's at once exasperated and reluctantly fond, and at all times realistic and discerning. So much love for Anna!
Feb. 12th, 2008 06:24 am (UTC)
Thanks, brig! Anna is so much fun!
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( 37 comments — Leave a comment )