Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

5 Words Meme

isiscolo was kind enough to give me these 5 words: vidding, darkfic, remixing, podfic, Asperger's. Here's my take on what they mean to me.

I love vidding. I hate vidding. You see, there's the vids I create in my head, and then there's the ones that make it out into reality, which are just never quite what I wanted. There's all these technical hurdles, things I can't make work, and it's just incredibly time-consuming. I get an ecstatic leap of excitement when I create a new vid, usually followed by this thump back to Earth when it disappoints me. I've thrown my creative energies into vidding for the past few months, and will have 3 vids premiering at the Vividcon convention in August. Life, Moonlight, and Supernatural. Man, I can't wait to show them to you all!

*purrs* Darkfic. I really, really like walking the darkside with characters. Something about people confronting their darkest instincts really appeals to me. My take on characters is generally darker than most authors, I think. I've sent Joe Dawson to war, had Ray Kowalski lose himself undercover, and written dubcon Ray/Ray. I love reading it, too. Highlander Gathering fic. SGA AU wherein Atlantis was a prison before the inmates took over. I've got this SPN post-apocalyptic Evil!Sam habit going right now that's reaching embarrassing proportions. Make no mistake, though - I'm not in it for the bad guys. It's the search for love and redemption in even the darkest of circumstances that really brings me to the table.

First off, let me say this loud and clear - if you ever get an itch to remix one of my fics? DO IT. No time limits, no caveats - just do it. You don't have to ask permission in advance. I'd be honored to have any of my work serve as inspiration for another author. Stories get better as they pass from one mind, one hand, to another. Worst case scenario, and someone writes a remix I really dislike, that is totally OOC, and makes a mockery of my original story? Ummm ... I guess I won't read it more than once? Really, where's the bad?

I understand on an intellectual level that people are concerned about this, and I respect their boundaries and fandom etiquette. But I don't get it, on an emotional level. Fanfic is all based off the pros, and I am deeply grateful to them for the inspiration they've given me. Why not pass it forwards?

I create podfic sometimes. I enjoy the voice acting, unless it's porn, in which case it's simultaneously embarrassing and hysterically funny. It's kind of a pain in the ass, because my apartment building is right by a freeway, in the middle of a city, and it is NEVER quiet. Also, I'm kind of a perfectionist about it. I have a hard time listening to and appreciating other people's podfic. Audio processing without any accompanying visuals takes a huge amount of concentration. I avoid talking on the phone when possible, because of it. My brain does a much better job of making movies out of text. But those of you who create them, I salute you! Oh, and if anyone else wants to podfic anything I wrote, please feel free.

Hi, I've got Asperger's Syndrome! That's on the autism spectrum, for anyone who was wondering. I figured this out in my 30's, after a childhood of being viewed as deeply eccentric. Boils down to difficulties with social interaction, extreme focus on things which may not interest other people, sensory issues, and some atypical language development. I've got my peculiarities. The only way I understand people is by very carefully observing their behavior over a period of time, and then building models of them in my head that might explain those behaviors. If new behaviors come along that my model doesn't predict, I change the model. It's a huge advantage when it comes to writing, since I've already populated my brain with semi-fictional characters. This, BTW, is why I don't mess with RPS. I have weak boundaries between reality and imagination as is, and need to shore them up as strong as possible.

I spent my pre-teen years trying to figure out the rules about what's polite, friendly, expected, etc, so I could fake normal when I needed or wanted to. I'm pretty good at it now. Just know, if I do something really rude or annoying? It wasn't intentional. Please let me know, so I don't make the same mistake again. And don't worry about offending me - it's almost impossible. See the upside?

This is also why I am NOT offering to give anybody else 5 words for this meme. It'd be like asking a blind woman to describe your appearance in 5 words.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 26th, 2009 05:53 am (UTC)
Hi, I've got Asperger's Syndrome!

Y'know, suddenly some of the things you've said come into focus with that. You'd mentioned before that you were almost impossible to offend...

Brain abnormalities (for lack of a better word) have fascinated me, more so since my mother had Alzheimer's and I myself have dyscalculia...

I'm gonna be nosy and ask a question; feel free to tell me to shove off if you want...

The only way I understand people is by very carefully observing their behavior over a period of time, and then building models of them in my head that might explain those behaviors.

Wow, what an amazing place your mind is.

Do you find it easier to interact with people on-line, where you don't have body language input to deal with or worry about? Or is it harder to predict how people are going to behave?

Hi! I'm terribly curious about your brain, 'cause mine works in funny ways.

Your other four words were fascinating, as well. I'm always interested in you as a person so it's great in those rare times when you share...
Jun. 26th, 2009 06:37 am (UTC)
I think your brain is nifty!
Questions are all good.

On-line is MUCH easier. It's not because of avoiding body language; it's the lack of time pressure. I can read things through slowly, think about how to respond. I can also, if at any moment the fascinating process of interacting with other human beings becomes too exhausting, just stop and walk away without offending anyone.

However, I'm aware that with less info coming in, I've got less ways to check if my model of people I know on-line is accurate. I just tend to make the most positive assumptions, and go with that. Actually, I do that in RL, too. It makes for a more pleasant reality.

it's great in those rare times when you share
Yeah, I do tend to veer wildly from secretive to TMI.

How does dyscalculia affect you in everyday life?
Jun. 27th, 2009 04:16 am (UTC)
Re: I think your brain is nifty!
I guess, since you have to do a lot of processing consciously, time would be a good think to have in dealing with people.

How "out" are you about having Asperger's? Do you tell everyone, or do you wait until someone asks, or what? Do you feel that people treat you differently because of it?

How does dyscalculia affect you in everyday life?

Well, being that I'm working as an accountant, I have to triple and quadruple check everything I do. And then make someone else check it again because I still might have missed something.

It's so easy for me to transpose numbers, to add 2+2 and get 5, that kind of thing.

I didn't realize that I had the dyscalculia until after I became an accountant, so really, long term-wise, this isn't going to work.

I had just always assumed that I was dumb.

Aside from that - shopping is a nightmare on so many levels. One, I really have no clue how much my basket of groceries is going to cost until I check out - I can't estimate how much I've spent. And then, if I'm with someone, I've usually forgotten what they're wearing, so I can't find them easily. I literally have to look at every person in the freaking store because I can't remember if the person was wearing a red shirt or a purple one. Then, finding the car in the parking lot - not because I don't remember the color/shape of the car (that's safely stored away in long term memory) but because I don't remember where I parked the damn thing and the parking lot can be huge.

I tend to park in the same spot as often as possible, just to cut down on the searching...routine seems to work well for that kind of thing.

I have no sense of time, and in fact, have lots of trouble telling time with an analog clock. Left and right defeat me.

Directions confound me, unless you draw a map. Verbal directions will only get me lost.

Distance/size scales make no sense. I can't tell the difference between 3 feet and 5 feet and can't guestimate sizes or lengths.

I can't figure out how much tip I owe at a restaurant and can't figure out what my share of the bill is. I don't know phones numbers, but I can demonstrate their "shape" on the keypad.

I remember, when I was younger, trying to explain why I couldn't add two and three digit numbers in my head. I said that I had this big chalkboard, and I'd write the first set of numbers, then the second, and as I was trying to figure it out, the numbers faded away, like I was accidentally rubbing them off with my arm.
Jun. 27th, 2009 07:02 pm (UTC)
Re: I think your brain is nifty!
Thank you for the insights into dyscalculia, that's fascinating. Sounds like you may want to look into another profession, though, one that plays to your strengths rather than constantly requiring you to play defense. (Says the Aspy who teaches 100 students a day.)

I also have no sense of time - it's a bitch. I have to wear a watch all the time. Especially when I get into the flow of something in my head, independent of outside events. I don't know if it's been 1 minute, 5, or 45.

I don't generally tell people about my Asperger's. I've got excellent coping skills, so I don't need many accomodations. I think that it would strongly affect how people perceive me, and I'd prefer to make my own first impression. I tend to tell people up-front that I'm an introvert. I can't eat with people at lunch, have to get some peace and quiet after the chaos of the morning, and that's a reason people can understand, without thinking I'm being rude or avoiding them.

People have to know me pretty well before they realize I'm actually pretty far off 'normal.' In fact, when I 'outed' myself to my teaching partner, a SPED teacher I'd worked with quite closely for a year, his response was to tell me I was being ridiculous. *face palm* I always tell my students who have Asperger's, and their parents, right up front. That way I can serve as a role model, and kids are more comfortable coming to me when they're having problems.
Jun. 26th, 2009 08:31 am (UTC)
Hi, I've got Asperger's Syndrome!

Oh! Am I being mean if I say that that explains a couple of things I've wondered about? Anyway, it does. I find autism and especially Asperger's extremely interesting.
Jun. 26th, 2009 05:30 pm (UTC)
*laughs* No, not mean, I felt the same way myself.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )